


Little Love Spark

by Willowe



Series: Romance is Boring [3]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Aromantic Tony Stark, Multi, Polyamory, Valentine's Day Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-02-13
Packaged: 2018-09-24 02:07:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9695054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Willowe/pseuds/Willowe
Summary: Valentine's Day isn't exactly Tony's cup of tea. With Rhodey and Pepper doing their own thing for the holiday, Tony gets roped into helping to save Clint's date.At least, he thinks that's what he's supposed to be doing, but it's so much more fun to mock Barton than to actually help.





	

**Author's Note:**

> A little bit of talking about aromantic identities, and a little bit of humorous Avengers Valentine's Day shenanigans. Just some aro positivity for everyone who might not be enjoying the holiday.
> 
> Title is from "Heart Heavy" by Mother Mother.

“Last chance to tag along, Tones,” Rhodey says. Tony can hear the sound of wind rushing by the War Machine armor in flight and he can perfectly picture the smile that must be on Rhodey’s face, that same wide, open grin that Tony himself always wore behind the safety of the armor faceplate.

“Nah, you two lovebirds go and do your thing,” Tony tells him. “I’ll stay here, away from the romantic candlelight dinner and allergy-inducing floral bouquets…”

Rhodey chuckles. “You sure? Pepper and I would love the company.”

“You have each other for company,” Tony says. “And I’m pretty sure Pepper is glad to get away from me for a bit.” He actually hasn’t seen much of Pepper in recent weeks, what with a new merger coming up that’s been stealing all of her time, but the sentiment still stands. Tony knows he can be a lot to deal with and Pepper deserves some Tony-free time of her own as much as possible. “I’ll be fine back here in New York. Where you need to visit soon.”

“If you miss my company you could always join us in Malibu…”

“Who said anything about missing your company?” Tony says. “I’m just talking about giving War Machine a much-needed tune up.”

“You’re such an ass,” Rhodey laughs. “Listen I’ve gotta go, I’m almost at the airport, I’ll have JARVIS send you a message when Pepper and I reach the house, alright?”

“Sounds good, honey-bear,” Tony says. Across the room his phone chimes with a text alert and Tony motions for JARVIS to throw it up on a screen.

 _Come up for dinner. I ordered takeout,_ Steve’s message reads. A moment later and a new text comes through, this one from Natasha: _food_ _ _._ and clints getting ready for a date. get up here and mock him w me. _

“And that’s perfect timing, because I have to get going myself,” Tony says to Rhodey. “You two have fun and remember- I don’t want to hear about any of it.”

“You got it, Tones,” Rhodey says, chuckling. “I’ll see you soon.”

The call disconnects as Tony quickly saves the progress he made on his projects and leaves the lab, taking the stairs two at a time instead of waiting for the elevator. He can hear laughter nearly a floor away and Tony is grinning even before he walks out into the communal floor.

“I was promised food and mockery,” Tony says to announce his arrival. “Where’s the takeout and, more importantly, where’s Clint?”

“Fuck you, Stark!” Clint’s familiar voice calls out from the kitchen area.

“Why are you in the kitchen? Are you hiding the food in there?” Tony’s grin only widens as he makes his way in the direction of Clint’s loud cursing and when he finally spots the archer he can’t hold back a snort of laughter.

“Be nice, Tony,” Steve murmurs from the, relatively speaking, safe position near the breakfast bar.

“I’m not saying anything,” Tony says. “Because I don’t have to. This shit speaks for itself.”

“Fuck. You. Stark!” Clint repeats, enunciating each word precisely as he twists in Natasha’s grasp to glare at Tony.

Natasha tightens her deathgrip on his arm and gives it a brutal twist, causing Clint to yelp. “Stop squirming,” she snaps. “As much as it pains me to say it, this is the only acceptable shirt you own and I am not letting you wear it with _coffee spilled down the front_ -”

Tony takes it the wrinkled dress shirt that Clint’s wearing and raises an eyebrow. “Uh, please tell me that’s not his actual date outfit…”

“It is,” Natasha snarls, with all the remaining patience of someone who has already lost too many hours of their afternoon digging through the filth of what passes as Barton’s “wardrobe”. Which was, probably, what happened here. “It’s this, or the blue sweater.”

Tony winces at that and does some quick calculations in his head. Damn Barton and his lack of common sense when it came to the paparazzi and PR issues. “No. Absolutely not. Give him one of my shirts.”

Natasha looks between Tony and Clint, shrewd eyes taking their measurements in seconds, before nodding and letting go of Clint. “Wait, what?” Clint asks as Natasha storms out of the kitchen, on the warpath to Tony’s floor. “What the _fuck_? I don’t need to borrow one of your fucking-”

“Please don’t finish that sentence,” Tony interrupts. “I’m really not in the mood to argue with you about what the paparazzi will do if they see an Avenger on a Valentine’s date looking like that.” Tony motions to Clint’s current outfit. “Trust me, you do not want the media to start prying into whatever passes as your romantic life. That is a hell you do not ever want to go through.”

“I take it you’re speaking from experience here?” Steve chimes in with a faintly amused smile.

“I know you’ve missed a lot, what with being a star-spangled ice cube and all, but even you had to have caught some of the wild accusations the media has made about my love life.” Tony snorts and shakes his head. “Let’s just say, there’s a reason I’m staying here in the Tower and not going out tonight.”

"I assumed that was because Pepper left for California this morning," Steve says.

"Pepper left to meet Rhodey for a Valentine's-" Tony waves a hand. "-thing. Something, I don't know what they do, I don't really care because I'm here and not there."

Steve frowns. “Tony, I’m sure Rhodey and Pepper would love for you to be there with them…”

“Well yeah, no shit,” Tony says. “But I’m not gonna ruin their Valentine’s get-together with my presence.”

Steve gets this sad, pinched look on his face and it takes Tony an embarrassingly long time to connect that expression with what he just said. “Oh for fuck’s sake, I didn’t mean it like that,” he says, rolling his eyes. “I’m fucking romance-repulsed, remember? And like I said, the media shitshow that happens if I step foot outside on the 14th is actually hell on earth. So I’m _not_ going to leave the Tower and, hey, as a bonus Rhodey and Pepper can do as much romantic crap together as they want without me getting grossed out and ruining the mood! Literally everyone wins if I stay here- _including_ me, so don’t think I’m nobly sacrificing my own happiness for the sake of theirs or anything. Whatever they get up to, I don’t want to be a part of it.”

“Oh,” Steve says, a little subdued. “I- I didn’t think of it like that.”

Tony snorts, his own frustration subsiding as quickly as it came on. “Yeah, well, that’s the shit I do have to think of.” It’s second-nature by now, being able to judge what the media reaction to any given situation will be, but that doesn’t make it any less tiring to deal with.

“What’s up with Pepper and Rhodey then?” Clint asks. “If they’re celebrating the holiday, are they…” Clint wrinkles his nose and makes a hand gesture that Tony can’t interpret at all. “You know, like… together? Romantically, I mean?”

“What? No!” Tony makes a face and ignores Clint choked-off laugh. “They’re… You know…”

“No, actually, I don’t, that’s why I asked,” Clint says dryly.

Tony scowls at him, wishing he had something to throw at the archer. “They’re together like we’re together. Like I’m together with them. There might be more-” He wiggles his hand in a see-saw gesture. “-you know, weird wibbly feelings there, but it’s not romantic. Not entirely.”

“Weird wibbly feelings?” Steve repeats and when Tony glances over at him he’s clearly trying to hide his smile. Trying, and failing.

Tony rolls his eyes and says, “Feelings that aren’t quite romantic and not quite platonic and yes, there’s a term for that and no, I don’t remember what it is. Ask Pepper, when she gets back, if you want to know the details.”

"And this is the genius I'm taking dating advice from," Clint mutters, not quite under his breath- but also not really trying to be discrete.

"Screw you, Clint," Tony says cheerfully. He's not at all bothered by Clint's whining; he knows which one of them is more knowledgeable here and it's certainly not Barton. And if that isn't just the pinnacle of irony... "If you want to get ridiculed by the media for weeks on end, feel free to ignore my advice!"

"So really you're just covering your own ass by making sure I don't make tomorrow's headlines," Clint says. "Good to know."

"Bingo! Now you're catching on." Tony grins. "Of course I also  know a hell of a lot about making people want to sleep with you which, honestly, I’m assuming is the goal here too-”

“Hey no, I actually want to date her,” Clint protests. “I mean, I’m pretty sure I do." He frowns. "I wouldn't turn down a second date with her, at the very least."

Tony gives Clint a considering look. There’s a thought there, just barely tickling the back of his mind, something he can't quite pin down. "Who are you going out with anyway?"

"Someone I knew from SHIELD," Clint tells him. "Bobbi Morse. Don't know if you ever met her."

Tony shrugs. "I can't keep all of you SHIELD lackeys straight. You're all basically the same."

"You'd remember Bobbi," Clint snorts. "And hey, maybe you'll see her around the Tower tomorrow if your advice actually works." He gives an exaggeratedly lewd grin and eyebrow waggle, just as Natasha walks back into the room. She throws a bundle of clothes at Clint and, while he’s fumbling for them, kicks him in the back of the knee.

“You’re disgusting,” she says over Clint’s laughter as he stumbles back to his feet. She stares pointedly at Tony as she adds, “Both of you.”

Tony rolls his eyes but doesn't even put up a token protest. He watches as Natasha basically dresses Clint, stripping him out of the wrinkled and coffee-stained dress shirt and wrangling him into the shirt she stole from Tony's closet with brutal efficiency. He makes a mental note to get a replacement for that shirt; he has no hope that it'll survive the night in one piece.

"Remember, none of your usual crude jokes," Natasha reminds Clint. "Try to be a gentleman. Bobbi might mock you for it but she'll appreciate it."

"Yeah, yeah, I know, I got it." Clint rolls his eyes and shoves his phone and wallet into his pockets. "Anything else, _mom_? Or can I go before I'm late and she thinks I've stood her up?"

Natasha is already shooing him towards the elevators, grabbing his jacket and throwing it at him just before the doors close. She breathes an audible sigh of relief when he’s gone. “That man,” she says, “is a walking human disaster. How he managed to ask Bobbi out without being shot down immediately is a miracle in and of itself.”

That thought is there again, and for a moment Tony actually wonders if maybe Clint is…

“Steve and I are planning to gorge ourselves on drugstore chocolates and trashy rom-coms,” Natasha says. Her voice interrupts Tony’s thoughts and he loses that train of thinking again. “But we can be persuaded to watch disaster movies instead, if you want to stick around.”

Tony shrugs. “Sure? Why the hell not. I can spam Rhodey’s email with horrifying animated e-cards from up here just as easily as I can from my workshop.”

“E-cards?” Steve repeats.

“Holiday cards you email people,” Tony explains. “The Valentine’s ones have dancing CGI teddy bears and cupids that fire arrows at  you. Rhodey gets the best of the worst sent to him, to make up for me not being there.”

Natasha rolls her eyes. “Because I’m sure that’s exactly what he wants to get from you, Stark.”

“Do you not send these to Pepper too?” Steve asks, clearly still confused.

“Cap, if there is one lesson I’ve learned in all the years I’ve known Virginia Potts, it’s that you do not spam her email with horrifying e-cards if you want to live.” He pats Steve on the shoulder as he walks by and adds, “Come on, big guy. I was promised terrible chocolate and even worse movies- and _takeout_ , I was lured up here with the promise of takeout!”

“Takeout is waiting in the living room, Tony,” Steve assures him as he stands up.

Natasha is already halfway out of the kitchen, typing something quickly on her phone. Tony assumes that she’s texting Clint more last-minute reminders about how to not fuck up his date, when his own phone suddenly chimes. It’s a text from Natasha that just contains a single link. His curiosity piqued he opens it and immediately lets out a startled bark of laughter as he’s greeted with a [photograph of a groundhog, with animated butterfly wings and sparkly pink text that reads ](http://img2.thejournal.ie/inline/354046/original/?width=605) [ _Happy Valentine’s Day!_ ](http://img2.thejournal.ie/inline/354046/original/?width=605)

“What the hell is that?” he asks. Steve is trying to look over his shoulder to see what’s going on, so Tony just tosses him the phone and grins when he hears Steve’s own choked laughter at the image.

“E-card. For you to send to Rhodes,” Natasha says, her voice perfectly collected even though her eyes are dancing.

Tony completely loses it, laughing so hard that he needs to lean on Steve for support. God, the look on Rhodey’s face when he opens his email and sees that…

“Okay, new plan,” Tony says. “Terrible movies and takeout, but if you help me find more horrifying e-cards like that I’ll buy chocolate that’s actually edible for everyone.”

“Deal,” Natasha says immediately, no hesitation whatsoever. Tony doesn’t want to know how expensive the chocolates he’ll have to buy her are going to be, but if she can find a dozen more pictures like that he’ll consider it money well spent.

Tony emails the picture to Rhodey with the message _special valentine for my precious turtledove <3 _ and claims a spot for himself on the couch. “JARVIS, queue up San Andreas, and make sure to take a picture of Rhodey’s face when he opens that email,” he says. “And let me know when Clint comes back, I want to know if I’m sticking around to mock him or hiding from whatever disgusting PDA he’ll be up to if that Bobbi agent comes back here with him.”

“There’s no way that Bobbi is coming back here with him,” Natasha says, grabbing a takeout container for herself and passing a second one over to Tony. “No way in hell Clint’s that lucky on this date.”

“Do not discount what a decent outfit and a stupid amount of luck can do for you,” Tony warns her. “Even Barton might return victorious just this once and I, for one, do not want to witness that first-hand if I can help it.”

“I don’t think any of us want to witness that,” Steve points out.

“Good point. Let’s hope we’re in a chocolate-fueled coma by then,” Tony says, and settles in to find e-cards so sickeningly sweet that they’ll turn his stomach. Valentine’s Day might not be his cup of tea, but friendly mockery between partners and teammates is always a good time. And having the casual company certainly doesn’t hurt either.

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact: Tony's comment about Pepper and Rhodey having "weird wibbly feelings" is in reference to alterous attraction, which I feel describes how Pepper and Rhodey view their relationship (even if neither would feel that label fits outside of this specific circumstance). [You can find more information on alterous attraction here.](http://romance-repulsed-aros.tumblr.com/tagged/alterous)
> 
> Also, I have not given up on this series! But the next fic coming is a 50k+ word monstrosity that I've been working on since November. Editing it is taking a while, as I want to make sure I do the story and the characters justice with my writing. So until that is completed and posted there won't be any other updates to this series. 
> 
> But I couldn't resist doing something short for Valentine's Day. Even if it's not Tony's favorite holiday (or mine, for that matter!) he still has feelings about it that were fun to write.


End file.
